I didn't know I'd feel this feeling

Today at church Sawyer was being especially antsy so I thought I would take him to the nursery and sit with him so he could start to get used to it and at 18 months he'll be ready.

So we went in and not 10 seconds after I put him down some kid came running up to him with all his strength and shoved him with both hands. It knocked Sawyer to the ground and he hit his head on the ground.

I was right there and he just looked up at me scared and confused and started bawling.

I picked Sawyer up and then grabbed the kid before he ran away. I tried to tell him we don't shove people, but he got away from me and shoved 2 other girls before the nursery teacher scooped him up and took him to his parents.

I comforted Sawyer, but I was surprised by how much it affected ME! I was heart broken to see Sawyer hurt by someone on purpose. He falls all the time at home and bonks his head on things and it's no big deal, but to see that someone else inflicted pain on him just made me feel emotions I didn't know I would. I was fighting back tears as I held him.

I wanted to tell him this will never happen again. I wanted to tell him that this world is really just sweet and fluffy and nothing bad ever happens. I wanted to tell him no one will ever be mean to him. I wanted to tell him bad things don't happen.

I know you moms out there are thinking, "yup, get used to it, this won't be the last time."

I know I can't always protect him, but it hurt.

I have a new understanding of the way my mom felt when I was crying in my room one day in Jr. High because my friends were mean to me. I wouldn't tell her what happened (I don't even remember), but she told me she loved me and as I was in there bawling my eyes out I heard her crying on the other side of the door. I remember thinking,

"why is she crying, I'm the one who is sad."

Now I know why.

This makes me think of our savior and I got a small tinsie itty bitty taste of what our Heavenly Father must have felt to see Jesus suffer and be crucified on this earth.

I wish nothing bad will ever happen to Sawyer, but I know we are here to learn and grow. It makes me want to always fight for good and help others every chance I get, because I know they have a mommy who will cry when they do.